The bad allows follows the good….

Guess, I spoke to soon as the exact words I said about the twin soul. Came to a screeching halt as sometimes writing out the pieces of my heart allow me to heal. And then go through a whole other cycle of learning to that those are simply theories the only thing I can say for sure are the illusions and Ego’s if one will not look within and let go then the other can’t continue teaching and showing while being abused along the way having to endure what I’d say is their own hell. When’s enough is enough when it becomes physical and when you said for a long time repeatedly the one thing I can’t tolerate which is disrespect especially becuase I have stuck through this through thick and thin. Twins or not the tie will always be there but to remain in punishment as a wife and mother who only serves honors and uplifts can no longer whether this storm. For this storm has chosen its path which lies right where the ego lies and the illusion and due to this you will still justify and deny the hardship you have placed on my body mind and soul. But still I forgive you I just ask you to allow me to be free to be able to be in the comfort of a home that doesn’t have to walk on eggshells, that can smile each day as I do. So that I can regain the me who I honor cherish and love but allowed the exact opposite to occur because I loved you more than I loved myself but when there’s no getting through to your heart. That just simply answers itself that this was another beautiful experience. But now my mission to help you shine the light within yiu that was so dim has been complete. They are no words to say that will express the things I have grown and love and experienced good, bad, ugly or different. Truth is truth and when you walk with the Lord he will only allow you to be around those of your highest good. The good of all. Even if this doesn’t make sense now one day you will see that once upon a time a women loved you to your core, picked you up if you fell, uplifted encouraged and try to show and teach you the ways. As it says in the Torah that if the man does not uphold the laws so shall he let the women free. It’s like corporal punishment of the body mind and spirit when I have since I’ve met you and married you and yet you still find it in your heart that it’s not the way for you. That’s ok to you will find that time, place and person who will be what you’ve always dreamed. 

Not sure it’s even called insane now think it’s called something passed inside to do the same fighting over and over again, and the inky outcome I ever ask for is treat me the way you would your Mother. Respect and honor me do not speak degrading to me. I can inky hold your hand for so long but now I and my little sprit I have left have come to realize this is not my battle but yours. I stood by you every step of the way but when I feel the lack of respect that you have for me I can no longer bare. 
I pray again, you find it in your heart to not control me even at this end. But to set me free to be the Women our Father in the heavens has intended for me. Which is go back to the way you found me that night we met for dinner which was quiet no tv, reading, working and enjoying my kids. Otherwise, I would and have already become a prisoner in my own come. The control, the rude belittling remarks, the Ungratefulness which were all hidden behind someone I thought as all women do had changed. You have ill gave you credit. But somewhere deep down inside there lives a darker inner secret that can’t find satisfaction in one women. This is not in a actual touching sense but even worse in my book the mind wondered or lustful mind. I can’t heal that I’m not a savior. That will be your challenge. I am your friend and always will be. You are not a bad person and you have many great qualities like being a father. That was a great choice for our boys. At this time I just have reached my limits of having to make my mind think things that aren’t true just because your guilty of them in your mind so you lash out to me and say the most hideous things any man can tell a women. 

I know you will use this time to heal and grow. And I will try and pick up the pieces of myself that got left behind when I started to confirm my want some, likes and needs to make us get this far. 
Wishing you well. 
~ lady who’s lasts attempt at marriage has come to a halt not sure I believe any man can ever love me the way My Father in heaven has and always will

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